Date:	2007-07-21 13:15
Subject:	*^%@$%&)(&
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated
Music:	matt & kim

what the fuck was up with manhattan last night? it was like every dumb bitch and their mom decided to come out and bother everyone. my id got taken away... the bouncer was SUCH an asshole. i asked him to give it back to me and he said no. i would get another one but i only have 6 months to go and once school starts i won't really have time to go out anyway. i'll just crawl into a hole in brooklyn and never come out.

i leave for saratoga tomorrow and i am sooooooooooo nervous. like sick to my stomach. i'm predicting lots of pain. everyone is like "no! it'll be great!" i guess... lol

lauren and i are going to SIREN FESTIVAL!!! i'm so excited to see M.I.A, lavender diamond, matt & kim... yay

Date:	2007-07-13 02:37
Subject:	new blog
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

www.caitlinbebb.blogspot.com

Date:	2007-06-30 11:54
Subject:	I KNEW IT
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated

sometimes you just have to laugh.

and then listen to bright eyes and think it could be worse.

and then laugh some more.

i have really enjoyed my time in LA, but i want to go home. i miss brooklyn! (esp williamsburg) i want to have brunch @ bliss, go shopping @ beacon's closet, walk along the east river, chain smoke in McCarren park, have dinner @ SEA, then go dancing @ bembe... what a perfect day.

ok. i'm going to have fun if it kills me these next 2 weeks.

i'm home!

luckily it looks like i'm gonna do work exchange for a yoga studio near my house, so that'll be great. i'm so nervous about saratoga!!! i feel like any minute i'm not working out or reading about the brain is wasted time. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

my parents are paying for the program in exchange for me being their housekeepingnannyslavegirl :(
seriously. at least if i were a live in nanny for some shitty family i'd be getting cash. i need a night job.

i should have stayed in the city. this was a big mistake.

*minor panic attack*

Date:	2007-05-02 13:21
Subject:	breathe
Security:	Public
Mood:	aaahhhhhhhh
Music:	modest mouse

i was so anxious about summer plans, not knowing what i was doing... and then i found out

I GOT INTO THE SITI COMPANY SUMMER INTENSIVE!!!

i am terrified. excited. nervous. scared. jubilant. to name a few.

so it looks like i'll go home for a bit, make money? train, chill, see people, etc.

i am a fool, but i think it will be just what i need.

one more weekend of Our Town. my family is coming!!! they haven't seen me act in 2 years. i am so content, work is all consuming and right now that's all i need.

Date:	2007-04-20 00:05
Subject:	i think spring has sprung
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	The Shins

the sky was so blue today, and it put me in the best mood.
walking to rehearsal the sun was setting over the tree tops and it was breath taking.

i can't believe my first college show opens in one week.
and then i'll be a junior.... wow.

life is good.

Date:	2007-04-15 12:35
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hungover
Music:	Air

Last year I missed Culture Shock due to the removeal of my appendix.

This year I'm in tech rehearsal for Our Town the entire weekend.

what will they think of next?

Date:	2007-03-16 00:04
Subject:	bahhhhh
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted
Music:	regina spektor (purchase grad!)

So. a few things.

... i got the part i wanted in my first purchase production! i'm playing mrs. gibbs in "our town"
i'm excited. yes, once again i play a mother, but this is something i've to accept. plus i really did fall in love with her when i read the play. she has such a kind heart, i'm just so fucking ready to do a show! it's been two years. it's about time i used my training for something other than the classroom. rehearsals start on monday, and from then on i will have no life. awesome.

i went to new jersey today to audition for shakespeare theatre of new jersey's summer non-eq company.... i thought the audition went really well but the auditioners were pretty cold, so i think that one is a bust. the chautauqua people were so nice in comparison. i just really want to act this summer. and i hate having things up in the air.

ohhh also housing applications are due next week... my roommates and i are having difficulty deciding who is living where. eeeek.

i hope tomorrow is a snow day.

Date:	2007-01-24 23:20
Subject:	ha!
Security:	Public
Mood:	amused
Music:	mae

i already have bags under my eyes.... it's only been 3 days! i forgot just how much work there is to do!
(and it doesn't help that i didn't exactly do all of my winter break homework. oops!)

on the bright side - my birthday is on sunday and i am planning fabulous adventures in brooklyn.
i can't wait!

2007 is going to be the shit.

Date:	2007-01-10 14:56
Subject:	ok...
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous
Music:	pandora.com

it's january 10th and i'm freaking out about summer plans? that seems a little silly. my mom's photographer friend took pictures of me for my new head shot and there were only 3 or 4 that i liked (out of like 100!) ugh. she's doing it for free so i can't complain... i'm just really nervous because the festivals i'm auditioning for usually accept people in grad school or julliard students. AAAAAHHHHHHH.

i have so much homework to do. bleh. i feel icky. i hope this semester goes well. this break has gone by really quickly. i have less than a week till i head back. then who knows when i'll be home again.

Date:	2007-01-02 14:47
Subject:	YEARLY UPDATE
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative
Music:	Fergie

* Sorry this is so long - but i had to do the year in review thing. Do it! It's funny to see what has changed.

JANUARY
Back at Purchase, so happy to be home. Everyone is all smiles and hugs. I had a relaxing 5 day transition in the city, quite fun. Fate is such a weird thing. I'm really amazed by it sometimes.

FEBRUARY
STOP GIVING MIXED SIGNALS. but now i get it. it'll never happen and i need to get over him. NOW. i'm just really lonely and frustrated. but we talked so things should be ok.


MARCH
My best friend in the whole wide world is coming to visit me today. (Well, visit me AND interview for this crazy institution.) I am soooooooooo excited. There's a lot going on this weekend too, which is awesome. It's a good thing too- I'm starting to loose it.

APRIL
saturday i saw beckett's endgame at columbia, directed by my former suzuki/viewpoints teacher (kim wield). it was so wonderful to see her. she is probably the best teacher i've ever had. then surprisingly made it to ian's birthday masquerade, which was fun but got broken up at 2...
which basically meant me going home when i was in my drunken prime, trying to go to sleep, having the spins, and vomiting the chicken fingers i had eaten earlier that night. ( hey, only my second time this year, which i'd say is pretty good.) sunday consisted of eating brunch at the DH, sitting on the quad with friends in the sun for literally 5 hours, then back to the DH for dinner.
then we drank a lot of coconut rum and watched a lot of HBO.
it was a wonderful day.

MAY
Looking for a sublet in New York City is just about the most pain in the ass thing I've ever done. aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
Today my Lecoq teacher reemed me after I presented my final. I didn't think it was that bad but I'm pretty sure this is one of those cases where the teacher is harder on the people that they like/want to do well. So I guess I should be thankful for that. I had my final meeting with my acting teacher and she told me exactly what I needed to hear. She said I have something special and that she wants to set me up with people so that I have connections in the theatre community before I graduate. :) :) :) *deep linklater breath* this might actually happen. "Hi, my name is Caitin. I'm an actor."


JUNE
have you ever had someone leave you song lyrics on aim/blogs etc? it's subtle, but if you know the reference it really isn't at all. i got a message today like that. i was not pleased. how can someone hurt me this much again and again?
i need to make the choice to stop. i thought i had and then... ugh.

JULY
Happy 4th of July! My house has no internet! Now, I'm sure most people in our generation understand what a horror this is. This little world wide web has become a part of my daily routine, and now without it I get quite nervous. Not to mention it can be vital for looking up information, especially in nyc. My sister is here visiting for the week, that's been nice but stressful at the same time. I've been really anxious lately, I want to brake things. This isn't good. I can't wait to get drunk tonight, lately that's been my temporary solution to things.

AUGUST
aaaaaaaaaaand i'm home. everything is the same. i had no energy today. i felt like someone drugged me, and not in the good way. i'm already picking fights with the family. i don't know why i'm such a bitch to them. i belong in ny. school needs to start, sans the drama. lol- get it? but seriously, bitches will be put in their place. i need to relax.

SEPTEMBER
this year is going to be SO MUCH BETTER than last year.
a) i have an apartment with awesome roommates where i can cook my own food
(the dorms last year were depressing)
b) i have less class time, which = more sanity/ time to do work
c) we are doing CHEKHOV this semester, and let's face it, he's a pretty hot russian.
d) i'm ok with being single, and i hardly see the problem individual that consumed my thoughts last year.
e) we're doing a show! (our town)
so yeah, this year is going to be the shit.

OCTOBER
sometimes, i don't know how we do it.

NOVEMBER
i've decided to throw a party sometime in the near future becasue well, i love throwing parties and we all need to take the edge off. i want it to be themed, cause that always adds a little extra something. so ... WHAT SHOULD THE THEME BE ?!?

DECEMBER
Just finished my US History final....! I feel so much lighter. Now I just have to worry about my Lecoq farce scene and my final Chekhov scene. Totally doable. Totally. I'm excited to go home. It'll be nice to chill with family/ old school friends. And the weather will be grrrrreat! I have a lot of work to do over break though in preparation for next semester. I can't wait to school my Our Town audition.

Date:	2006-12-21 20:02
Subject:	yay
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	podcast

I am so happy about my grades. The funny thing is, when I was working this semester I NEVER thought about grades. (oh, except for Understanding America) I guess when you're doing what you want to do, it doesn't feel like work. wow. So apparently I'm doing very well... who knew? haha.

So I'm back in LA. It's nice chilling with family but I know I'll need to get away soon. Who wants to hang out?

Also, when did christmas stop being fun? I'm not having fun, it's quite stressful.





For those of you who have interest in the viewpoints method, go to the itunes music store and type in "siti company" There is a great free podcast of a conversation between Anne Bogart and Mary Overlie.

Date:	2006-12-12 13:31
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	relieved
Music:	States of Mate

Just finished my US History final....! I feel so much lighter. Now I just have to worry about my Lecoq farce scene and my final Chekhov scene. Totally doable. Totally.

I'm excited to go home. It'll be nice to chill with family/ old school friends. And the weather will be grrrrreat! I have a lot of work to do over break though in preparation for next semester. I can't wait to school my Our Town audition.


"I'm not talking about dance lessons. I'm talking about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield. I'm talking about taking it out and chopping it up. What do you mean?"

I <3 Royal Tenenbaum

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. If we were to plan a day to spend together, where would we go and what would we do?
3. How long have we known each other?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Will you please recommend someone from your friends list for me to read?
7. If this blog were a Greek play, would it be a Drama or a Comedy? If it were a Comedy, would it be Old, Middle, or New? If a Drama, what would be my Tragic Flaw?
8. Whom do I remind you of?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. Which Sanrio character should I choose to festoon my stationery?
12. What would be my ideal garment (shoes and hats apply)?
13. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being not at all _________ and 10 being completely __________, I am a(n) _______.
14. Tell me something that will be a true revelation... something shocking.
15. Please recommend a book to me.
16. How do you think I will die?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. What is that one thing that you wish I would, for the love of God, just... stop. Please, stop?
19. Which mathematical operation do you think best represents me?
20. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?

Date:	2006-11-22 21:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	upset
Music:	everything

i had a very upsetting experience this evening. i was window shopping in the nyuish area and saw a vintage on broadway that looked cool. i need a present for my friend so i thought i would hop in. i went in and looked through their t-shirts, a woman who worked there said hello, i said hi back etc. then i went to the back of the store and was looking up at all the dresses on the wall. i was in my own world and sort of heard a man say hi. a little startled, i said hi back and kept looking, here's the conversation that followed

salesman: are you alright?:
me: oh, yeah, i'm fine. (continue to look around)
man: are you sure you're alright? you don't have to get defensive.
me: yeah... (smile, laugh, keep browsing)
man: why are you laughing?
me: i'm just looking around.
man: yeah well you don't don't have to get defensive.
(i look at him)
man: are you offended by that? maybe this isn't the store for you.

and i walked right out. i couldn't believe it. the way he spoke to me was SO RUDE. and i'm a sensitive person, so episodes like this really upset me. and i don't want to jump to any conclusions, but i think it was a racial thing. which shocks me. i just wouldn't expect that in the middle of manhattan in a vintage clothing store. thankfully i've only been a victim of racsim a few times in my life. and people want to know why it's not cool to joke about it. because! it still exists and is very painful. maybe that wasn't it. but that's what my gut told me the minute i looked him in the eye. projection is a huge thing. he thought i was being rude to him when really i was just cold, and tired, and thinking about my own problems. i wanted to do the whole "may i speak to your manager" thing, but i needed to get out of there. it was fucking upsetting.

Date:	2006-11-08 11:15
Subject:	i need ideas!
Security:	Public
Mood:	go go go + exhausted = ?
Music:	www.pandora.com

i've decided to throw a party sometime in the near future becasue well, i love throwing parties and we all need to take the edge off. i want it to be themed, cause that always adds a little extra something.

so ... WHAT SHOULD THE THEME BE ?!?

thanks for the advice.

Date:	2006-10-29 16:40
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	RADIOHEAD

Last night I went into the city with Justine and saw Kim Weild play Arkadina in a Columbia grad production of The Seagull.


THE-WOMAN-CAN-ACT.


talk about inspiring. it was nice seeing chekhov really modernized. cause the way we've been doing it in class is very period. i get so excited when i see people creating aggressive theatre. i've been quite moody lately, but i always come back to the work and find solace in it. i have this project for lecoq that i'm nervous about- it's dealing with two characters where you have to make a 30 second quick change and have a chase scene. ugh!

i love fall in new york.

Date:	2006-10-14 19:56
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	frustrated
Music:	moldy peaches

and besides you're probaby holding hands
with some skinny pretty girl that likes to talk about bands
when all i wanna do is ride bikes with you
and stay up late
and watch cartoons

Date:	2006-10-01 16:42
Subject:	busy bee crazy kids
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	radiohead

sometimes, i don't know how we do it.

Date:	2006-09-28 12:20
Subject:	meh
Security:	Public
Mood:	ambiguous
Music:	death cab for cutie - plans

i just had a glass of pinot gregio with my lunch. and yes i have acting class in 30 minutes. but i'm not going today so i just sit there for over 3 hours. so why not have a buzz? but seriously, i think that's says something. like mmmm maybe i'm not as happy and content as i lead on. or .... oh i don't know. i'm in this really ambiguous state. it's very unsettling. i need something to hold on to.

on a brighter note, i am SO EXCITED for ronnie to visit me next weekend.




i'm sure i'll find a crack to fall into somewhere.